My second first kiss

Hey ya’ll.

So I started university this year and subsequently stopped blogging. It wasn’t intentional, it sort of just happened. I got busy with assessments and with life and all that stuff and kind of lost the drive to keep updating about my life and thoughts.

I feel like it’s time to fill you guys in on what I’ve been up to since February, and I’m going to jump right in with the juicy stuff.

I mean, that’s what everyone really wants to hear isn’t it!

So, lets power on shall we?

So late last year I received my first real kiss from a lady-friend while drunk at a party. And unfortunately the second was under remarkably similar circumstances, although this time with a boy.

So long story short, I don’t actually know who this guy is. I know his first name and I know he doesn’t go to my uni, but beyond that I don’t know anything except that his mouth tastes weirdly like Red Bull and it’s somewhat disturbing.
And yes, I was pretty drunk. Insert understatement of the century. I was trashed in a spectacular fashion. Trashed to the point of dancing on table tops, to the point of actually going numb and not being able to feel anything, and apparently, making out with strangers.

Quick side note: I think university has transformed me into a raging alcoholic. I blame one of my housemates, an excellent corrupting influence. I didn’t even intend to drink that much this year and it’s still not something I particularly like doing. It’s sort of just something that happens.

I know. This is fucked up in an incredible way. But moving on.

You know where this is going. Long story short, this guy, who actually wasn’t drinking that night, kissed me. And like, not even just a kiss, but a full on snog, tongues, noses bumping, the whole awkward weirdly intimate ordeal. Let me clarify and thank fuck that a kiss was all it was. After a while he disappeared and I stumbled off home. Unfortunately, my belief that there were no witnesses to the somewhat embarrassing affair was proven to be wrong when the aforementioned housemate started laughing at me.

Second side note: my housemate is awesome and lovely and a great human being. Just kind of a wild child.

Now yes I know 100% that making out with one guy is not that big a deal and in the broader spectrum of things people get up to at university parties, is a tiny raindrop in a tropical typhoon.

But I never imagined myself as that girl. That girl who gets completely wasted and snogs a random guy she’ll probably never see again. I always imagined myself as the girlfriend. The long term, committed, cuddles and cuteness girl that you take home to meet your mother.  I feel a little disappointed that so far, my romantic shenanigans of this year have been these drunken, anonymous gropes in shifty parties with weird guys.

It’s okay. If it wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t still be doing it, but it’s still kind of… I don’t know. Not quite how I expected my life would look like.

These days, despite the fact I’m happier then I’ve ever been in my life, and everything I wanted for my life is slowly falling into place, I still feel like kind of a mess.

I wonder if that feeling will ever go away.


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