If this was real life, that would be kind of freaky

So, what’s inspired me to write this rant are the lyrics from a recent One Direction release called ‘Little Things‘.

Now first things first, I have nothing against One Direction. Their music is shit, but it’s harmless shit, and if I were seven years younger I’d probably be hardcore into it. (For new readers, I’m nineteen. The stuff I listened to when I was twelve was a lot worse.)

The same goes for Twilight. it’s badly written fluff, but the idea isn’t for it it be good literature. If you take it for what it is, a bit of fun, a bit of drama, then it’s fine. Like candy floss. You know it’s rubbish for you and contains literally zero health benefits, it doesn’t even taste that good, but that’s not the reason you eat it. Its just fluffy, ridiculously sweet rubbish. Sometimes life needs a bit of that.

But back to the song.

The premise is simple and nice enough. The idea is appreciating the little things your special lady is that makes her herself. Aint that every teenyboppers dream? And I mean, it’s a nicer sentiment then thinking you’re lady friend is strictly appealing because she is just hot. The idea that your actions and quirks count for more and that you should just be yourself, and that even if there’s something about yourself you don’t like someone else might, I quite like that.

So it’s a nice idea, but i’m still going to mock the song.

The lyrics are just sap. Pure, undiluted, sap.

The one that caught my attention was as follows:

“You can’t go to bed, without a cup of tea. Maybe that’s the reason you talk in your sleep.”

That first of all, that lyric should be “You can’t go to bed without a cup of tea. Maybe that’s the reason you must get up to pee.”

Just saying.

The song goes on to discuss the conversations they have while she’s talking in her sleep.
Now I have a friend who talks in her sleep, and whenever we had sleepovers it would be a night of endless hilarity. Because people who talk in their sleep don’t really discuss things, so much as they just say really weird and random stuff. In one of my friend’s dreams, she told us all about how we were meant to be running away from an army of skeletons.

My brother also used to talk in this sleep, and once woke up the whole house because he wouldn’t stop yelling the name of our dog.

See, talking in your sleep just isn’t that romantic. And the fact that it features is songs like this and books like Twilight makes me giggle, because while it seems really sweet and cute, in reality it’s funny as hell.

There are a lot of these romantic clichés that appear in books like Twilight and songs for teenyboppers, that sound very sweet but in reality are kind of funny and stupid. And the thing about the guys who sing these songs or like Edward Cullen, is that if you remove a lot of the pre-conceived notion that this is supposed to be romantic, a lot of what they say sounds creepy as hell.

The way I like to imagine it, is say you were being told this stuff by someone you really didn’t like that much. Not necessarily someone you hate, but say that boy on the playground who has a crush you’ve never returned. Like, in Twilight, if Mike Newton was the one sneaking into Bella’s bedroom at night, and writing her songs on the piano, that wouldn’t be romantic. That would be creepy as all manner of hell.

Like can you imagine being sung Little Things by a guy you really weren’t that into? Like seriously dude, you need to get some boundaries. Awkward!

The fellas in One Direction are the same age as me, and yet the fact that their lyrics are more relevant and more enjoyed by girls significantly younger then me is kind of disturbing. If someone my age were to say that stuff to me, I’d probably laugh and tell him to cut it out. Or if he really wants to get on my good side, try dropping the mad stalker act and just relax.

Lastly, there is another great lyric that says, “I’m just joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks”

My goodness dude. Why are you drawing on her face?

But hey, it’s harmless right?

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