Your confessions suck

So earlier today (I just saw what time it is, so technically I mean yesterday. Although since I haven’t gone to sleep yet, to me it’s still today. Anyway…)

Ugh, let me start again.

My last blog post was about a disturbing trend in Australian culture that I’m taking issue with. This post is about an annoying thing people do that really isn’t worth getting rilled up about.

But here we go.

I freaking hate it when people, usually teenagers/ young adult, usually on Facebook, decide to post their ‘confessions’ online.

Now the idea of confessing ones inner weirdness doesn’t bother me. On the contrary, I’m as naturally curious and nosy about my fellow human beings as the next person. I’m interested as hell in what other people have to confess, should this be for entertainment value, or to confirm that I myself am not as weird as I think I am.

So that’s not the part I take issue with. What I take issue with, is that most of the time, these so called ‘confessions’ really suck.

Number one, most of them aren’t actually confessions. A confession is an admission of guilt, or admitting something you’re embarrassed or ashamed about. It can also be the admitting of a secret: something private and close to yourself that’s not necessarily embarrassing, but is something personal.
For example, you can confess to helping your friend cheat on their English homework out of guilt. You can confess our sexuality as something personal and private to yourself, though not necessarily something you’re ashamed of.

Get it? Good.

No wonder confessions are so interesting! It’s human beings at their most vulnerable. It’s the inside complicated gooey bits and secret things that we’re all so darn curious about but no one ever talks about.

Now here’s the point. Stating that “the guaranteed way to my heart is by making me laugh” and “I enjoy being alone” and “I would do anything for my friends and family- they mean everything to me”, is not a confession.
They’re not confessions, because there is no element of secrecy or guilt involved. You are not actually admitting anything. You’re just saying random facts about yourself to which the world can nod bemusedly and say “Alright then. Fair enough. So what?”

Number two. I’m guilty of this one but trying to stop. These confessions-that-aren’t-really-confessions are opportunity for people to pick and choose their own eccentricities.
I read recently that “choosing your own eccentricities is one of the single most narcissistic acts in existence” and it really is! The fact you’re that fixated on your own behaviour to carefully select your habit and differences and then flaunt them, that’s narcissism at it’s glorious finest.
I’m guilty of this. The best example being my vegetarianism. The reason for my diet is simple: I like animals, the thought of eating meat makes me feel a bit queasy, vegetarian food is yum. But for years, especially during high school, I came up with a thousand and one wild excuses, all in the name of trying to sound more interesting then I was. The best one I came up with was, “I don’t like animals and want absolutely nothing to do with them, including eat them.”
I also deliberately wore a giant peace pendant around my neck very day for a full year when I was fifteen. Just to be different. Just to be interesting.

I can confess that I am a narcissistic person who has often lied to people and done deliberately outlandish things in an attempt to fascinate them. That is genuine guilt.
But your confession that “I have to match the footsteps of any person I’m walking next to” or “I always have to wear black and just one other colour”, that’s again not a confession, it’s just deliberately calling attention to something quirky you do to try and not be boring.

So to sum up, if you are going to post your ‘confessions’ on the internet, actually think about it for a second. Is it actually a confession, or is it just narcissism?

And no, I have no intention of posting a list of my own confession. Number one, because I confess enough of my guilty secrets in these blog posts, number two, I already have a series of posts on my guilty pleasures, and number three, I don’t really want to haul all my dirty laundry onto a single black and white list. What on earth would I have left to talk about then?

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