This just in: I had another one of those horrible screwed up incidents that make me want to a) run away and hide in a cave forever or b) kill myself.

This is what happened:

I have two jobs. The one I like is in a restaurant with lunch and dinner shifts. The one I hate is in a department store, usually at nights.

My boss at the restaurant  is away for two weeks, she she gave us our shifts a while ago. For my Monday shift at the restaurant, I knew I had to be working at the store, but because the restaurant needed people I swapped my shift so instead of working the store on Monday I was now working on Friday.

So Monday I worked at the restaurant.

On Friday I was rostered on to work at the restaurant with another girl, but I told her I couldn’t because I had to swap my store shifts to work on Monday.

I said if she needed help at night, i could swap with the girl who does the earlier restaurant shift, so I could cover that, she would work for me at the night, and I could work at the store as well. This girl however, had written in the shift book that she couldn’t do the Friday night. Still okay. There would be someone there, even if it would be stretched quite thin.


Turns out my absent boss had already contacted the girl working earlier in the day, to tell her I wanted to swap shifts, and apparently she agreed, but no one told me about it.

So today, my bosses husband comes knocking on my door, asking why i’m not at work, and saying that apparently they’d been trying to call my mobile all morning. My mobile had no missed calls or messages on it, so that was puzzling! But apparently, I in fact was supposed to be working today, right now in fact, and still working tonight, even though i had told my boss I couldn’t.

What a mess. What a bloody mess. And because the boss is away and because something’s gone wrong in the communication process, guess who’s coping the blame!

Fuck. My. Life.

How did I get into this mess? I tried to do the right thing by swapping my Monday and Friday shifts. I tried to do the right thing by covering all the bases, but no one confirmed anything, no one said anything to anyone else.

And now I’m in trouble. Oh fantastic.

My avoidance mechanism is grateful that because I’m working at the store tonight, I don’t have to deal with any of this shit until tomorrow night. But a small voice inside my head is just dyeing to run out the door right now, get in my car and drive away. And never return.

The shit thing is that my boss, while lovely, really is a bit bad at the communication thing. But because it’s her husband whose been left in charge and who has to deal with this fucking situation, there is no way in hell she’ll be taking the blame. So it’s on me now. And as I’ve said before, i try extremely hard to not screw up. And I’ve been very good to this job. I always stay behind to help when it’s busy, always put up my hand to work double shifts, when it’s needed I always lend a hand in the kitchen when I’m supposed to be on the floor and lend a hand on the floor when I’m supposed to be in the kitchen. Every shift they give me that conflicts with my other job, I always sort it out so as many people win as possible.
And I have never, ever, not once ever complained about any of it. Some of the other girls I know, complain when they get lumped with the washing up again, when they have to leave the kitchen to help on the floor, when they get rostered on for crap shifts.

But I have never complained. Not once.

And now I feel guilty as hell and like complete and utter shit, and I know I’m going to get in trouble for this because the crap thing about life is it doesn’t matter how hard you work or how good your intentions are. If you screw up, that’s what stands out. That’s what people remember. Working my ass off counts for nil, because now I’ve fucked up that’s all that really matters isn’t it?

Fuck everything.

I am counting down the days until February! When i can finally leave this fucking tiny stifling suffocating village and start living my fucking life.

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