And now for another exciting instalment of “Georgie fucking fails as a human being!”
I think i’ve hit that point. That point of actually LOSING MY MIND.
Like, seriously. I think i’m going crazy. Actually, literally, completely crazy.
Could be a passing thing, but who knows. Either way, let’s elaborate!
Boredom. Kills. It either kills you, or makes you so freaking mental that you kill someone else. That’s the point I’ve borderline reached. The point of boredom I’m at supersedes any kind of boredom I’ve ever hit before. It’s almost paralysing. There are things that need to be done that I’m so bored I can’t bring myself to do. Does that make sense?
My house desperately needs to be cleaned, but verging on my fourth day in a row without leaving the building, I still haven’t lifted a finger. I haven’t gotten out of bed before noon for almost a week. I haven’t gone out and met people and had fun for a really long time.
And I think that’s what’s making me crack a bit. I’m so hideously lonely I think I’m going to die.
Not literally, just, figuratively.
AND FACEBOOK IS NOT HELPING!
My daily routine has become rise around 1pm, eat a bowl of cereal, and refresh facebook for about an hour straight waiting for someone to reply to a message, or for a notification, or for something to happen. All the while I see photographs and statuses from friends living their amazing lives, and I hate myself.
I send a text message to my friends. “Hey, can we hang out sometime?”
And the reply is near instant. “Sorry, real busy at the moment. Later, k?”
Yeah. Sure. Later. Like last week. Like the week before that. And before that.
I have two jobs, but the one I hate doesn’t want me more then four hours a week, and the one I like is over staffed so I’m only scheduled on for the weekend. I complain about work, but the good thing about it is it’s outside of my house, so I have an excuse to leave.
I shop alone. I dine alone. I go to the cinema, alone. I read books and have no one to discuss them with. I bake a cake and it slowly goes stale. And I spend a lot of time sitting around and doing nothing, because I’m so lonely and bored it’s like, why bother?
I hang out with my parents a lot, but they have their own lives.
For the past little while I’ve given myself little projects to pass the time. Painting, writing, cooking. But even that’s become a chore. I’m subscribed to 33 people on youtube, and my daily happiness comes when there are new videos to watch.
I’m so disappointed, because I was well on my way to getting a life and now I’m just sitting around, waiting, and killing time.
So much for that plan.
So I think the logical next step is to just go completely mad. I might clear some space in the corner tomorrow so I can rock back and forth while screaming into a pillow. That sounds fun.
Until next time!