Hello lovlies! How are we all?
Sorry for lack of blogging lately. It’s been a busy week. I’ve worked every day, day and night this week, and I am exhausted. But tonight I once again find myself in the clutches of insomnia, due to something that happened this evening.
So I’ve talked before about my long term unrequited love. I liked this guy for ten years, and he didn’t like me. End of story. I decided at the end of 2011 that I needed to get over him and move on with my life because this was just never going to happen. For a long time convinced myself that I finally had. My going overseas and him leaving town certainly helped. I haven’t seen him in nearly a year.
But tonight, at work, my colleague casually informed me that she’d seen him that afternoon, and it was literally like I’d been shocked by electricity. And the horrible awareness overcame me, “I am not over this boy.”
I don’t want to be that girl. That girl who can’t freaking well move on from her first crush even when it’s obvious he could never like her back. And yet here I am, lying awake obsessing over the fact that he’s back in town for the weekend and I clearly haven’t moved on, and trying to work out if I should try to see him or not, and the whole thing just feels utterly pathetic.
I don’t know what to do, and I hate this. I hate that I spent so long fooling myself into thinking I had finally let this thing go, only to fall right back to square one as soon as we’re in the same town again. I hate being that girl. I hate the fact that i’m losing sleep over someone who could never ever be mine.
It’s just pathetic.