i’m a creep

I watched this music video today and feel the need to talk about something I do that I’ve always wondered if other people do too.

So for those of you who couldn’t be bothered to watch, in this music clip a girl is listening to a song in a music store on headphones, and a guy comes and stands next to her, listening to the same song. When he leaves, she chases him through the store trying to find him, and then when they meet again, there is an awkward moment, and she leaves.

I’m going to put this out there right now and say that I have done this maybe a thousand times.

Not necessarily chased someone through a music store after listening to the same song, but I have chased a girl through a park after we watched the same film.

Now my point is not to confess that I’m a creepy stalker. Because I’m not. What I mean is that I have a tendency to read into life’s little interactions a bit too closely. Those shared and fleeting moments with strangers erupt in my brain into something more. A connection, an understanding, a kinship. I feel like we have something connecting us that in that moment, however brief it is, something significant.

For example, the girl in the park.
Right, so in Berlin they have many many monuments set up for those who were wronged in WWII. One of these is a monument to the gays and lesbians who were persecuted and killed. I love this monument, because what it is is a stone block with a film inside being played in repeat. You can watch it through a small glass window.
While I was in Germany, I when to this monument to have a look and there was a girl there watching. I waited for her to finish, and when she walked away, I watched it too.
When the film was over, I, for some weird reason, felt like this girl and I had a connection. We had both shared in something poignant and moving, and I got this overwhelming urge to find her to see if she felt the same way. So, for the next half hour I ran through this park, searching for this girl. I didn’t find her, and never saw her again.

I’m a creep. I am such a fucking weirdo.

I know this is weird. I know it’s a really strange thing to do and it’s over thinking things that just aren’t that complicated. interactions with strangers happen, then they pass, and that’s the end of it. I don’t know why I always turn it into something more.
I blame the number of rom-com flicks I’ve seen and romance novels I’ve read. This idea that one day one of those brief connections actually will be something more is irresistible. The idea that a life long friend, a partner, a lover or a muse could be out there just waiting to be stumbled across. The idea that big crazy gestures like chasing someone through a music store or a park after a fleeting moment of connectedness could lead to something bigger. It’s hopelessly romantic and like i said, just irresistible.

But it’s also ridiculous. Making eye contact and exchanging smirks with someone in a café is not a connection. Laughing about shit on the radio with the person driving your taxi is not a connection. The sheer chance of being on the same bus then train then plane as someone else does not mean you have anything in common asides from your destination.
Watching the same film, buying the same CD, going to the same show or making eye contact in some crowded place.
People are interesting, and I think it’s okay to be interested by them. But very few of the connections you make in life are going to be lasting, least of all those that slip away so fast.

Am I the only one who does this? I really hope not.

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2 thoughts on “i’m a creep

  1. There’s nothing wrong with being a dreamer. Perhaps one of these days, that connection will be real.

    – K.

    • Dreamers are the ones who take chances, but dreamers are also the ones who get hurt when reality comes crashing down. I wonder if dreams and the “what if” factor are enough for help one be able to take that disappointment, time and time again, in hope that one day it will be worth it.
      Thank you for the comment!

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