This is a ‘correct me if I’m wrong’ situation. And if I am wrong, I would greatly love to be corrected.
Like life, like everything, friendships are complicated.
I’ve already mentioned in my last bundle of postings that I’ve finished high school, so the only reason I mention it again is to establish some context here, and to introduce my theory.
Friendships only work if there is common ground to sit on.
Through my nearly nineteen years, I have met many people, given the title of ‘friend’ to many people, and the inevitably had to downgrade that title to the less romantic sounding ‘acquaintance’. Sometimes even, ‘distant acquaintance’.
I am that stone cold heartless.
But seriously, this happens a lot, and as I expected it to, it’s happening again. As soon as you lose the common ground with someone, no matter how much you like them, no matter how much you think of them, the friendship is going to start falling apart.
This very possibly could just be a problem with me, and my inability to connect with people in any way that’s deep or meaningful, but lets power on shall we.*
I’ve mentioned before how I was in a show last year, and of course seeing the same people all the time and working towards a common goal together meant we got to be quite friendly, and that was great. Then the show ended, and so did the friendship. Big sad.
Now high school is over. I’ve been away for a while, so it’s understandable how I have managed to lose touch with some of my high school friends, but now I’m back home and trying to see them again, and it’s very, very obvious that things have changed.
It’s awkward in ways that hanging out was never awkward before. It’s like, we were relatively close for five years, I told you guys things I wouldn’t tell anyone else unless it was anonymously via the internet *cough cough*…
And suddenly us hanging out is super weird, because we just don’t have any common ground anymore.
(Note: if you go back and read some of my postings from the end of last year, I’m sure you’ll agree with me that a lot of disconnecting with school friends can be directly contributed to my being an asshole. Anyway…)
Example number three. I met a lot of people while I was travelling. Like, a lot. I met other people who were volunteering like me and we became friends. We saw each other every week, we shared the good and the bad. Well, now I’m back home, that common ground has fallen out and…
You get the idea.
WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN? It’s depressing as hell because my level of hideous loneliness has hit a whole new level of hideous. And it’s weird to try hang out with people, even accepting that things have changed, even openly acknowledging that things are different now. Because what the hell do you talk about? What do you do?
How do friends work in the real world? I can’t believe I have to ask this.
I suspect I’m the only one who insists on making things like this unnecessarily complicated. What inspired this blog post was a conversation with my mum where she was saying she wanted me to get in touch with some of the other people I was friendly with in school, but who I wasn’t in the same clique with.
I had thought about this, but decided I wasn’t sure how to go about doing that simply because outside of school, we never ever hung out. I thought they were all great and interesting people, but how did I approach this?
Hey we were sort of kind of friends in high school do you wanna hang out and do something? Like what? Like where?
HOLY CRAP HOW DOES THIS WORK?
Help me! I’m drowning in my own stupidity!
*Look a footnote!