I just read this blog post by Snotting Black, and it inspired me to sit down and write this.
My writing style is very much a “stream of consciousness”. I am fully aware that a lot of what I say doesn’t have a point, or if it does, the point is buried quite deeply under a whole crock of irrelevant shit that must be sifted through first. I am aware that a lot of my thoughts about things don’t really connect to each other, unless I really put the effort in. It really is, quite literally, a stream of thoughts directly from my brain to you (see my tagline- get it? Good.).
I am aware of this, and have no desire to change it yet, just because I quite like my ‘stream of consciousness”. This is, quite simply, how I think about things, and how I think is how I write.
I’m talking about this, because it relates to the series of thoughts that went through my head as I read this blog post by Snotting Black.
My first thought went like this.
“THAT IS SO TRUE!” Recall the early days of my bloggeroning activities. Every post was extremely self conscious. I was horribly aware of the audience I didn’t yet have, of what I was trying to say, and carefully sculpting how I was trying to say it. Very unnatural, and not really me. As time went on my blog posts became less about I’M WRITING A BLOG LOL and much more about actual topics, thoughts, opinions, and real things that I actually wanted to talk about. My blog has become, as I said, a stream of thoughts direct from me to you. I try to be as honest as I can be, omitting only details like names of places and changing the names of the people I talk about, for the sake of anonymity. Aside from these two, which are for privacy more so then anything else, everything I write is true. It’s much, much more honest then how I express myself in The Real Life.
WHICH LEADS US TO POINT NUMBER TWO which is that I want to explain the title of my blog, “Georgie Gets A Life”.
Obviously, Georgie is me. I am Georgie. My ‘getting a life’ is very much relating to the point of life I have reached. I’m eighteen years old, fresh out of high school, with the world as my oyster. My life has barely begun, I have achieved very little, and I really have no idea what on earth I want to do with my life.
Except of course, that I want to write.
Writing has always been the best and truest way I explore my ideas and thoughts, and express myself. I’ve always been a reserved person- not lacking in boisterous (read, obnoxious) behaviors, I was never one to lack in confidence- but I was never inclined towards being entirely truthful or putting myself out there for all the world to see for what I really am.
Quite simply, because I’m not entirely sure what that is myself.
But writing is another story. When I can write things down suddenly it’s like a kind of liberation. There is no awkwardness, no hesitations, no laughing to cover up or brush of anything difficult. it’s honest, it’s raw, and I’m addicted to it.
It’s been this way for a long time, ever since I knew how to write things down I have been writing. So, I’m trying to get a life, a life I can be proud of, a life that sums up the person I am and that I can take with me to the grave knowing I gave it my best shot. This blog is one tiny stepping stone on that path to trying to work out what it is I’m supposed to do and the person I’m supposed to be, but it’s one that means a lot to me. A lot more then what I originally thought it would.
BAM BAM SHIZZAM, POINT NUMBER THREE I really don’t like myself very much.
Why? For all the clumsy, awkward, stupid, bad decision making, judgmental, vain, lazy, ugly, selfish reasons that most people don’t like themselves for. But here’s the thing, I AM AWARE of all the reasons I don’t like myself very much and am fucking determined to turn them around! What has this got to do with my blogging? Well… not a great deal. But in some sense, when I talk about dumb experiments I do (like not washing my hair, trying to become a person who runs) and thoughts I have about things (like Kony 2012, gay rights, the shitty shittyness that is Yahoo!7 News) this is all a part of that trying to become a better, more fulfilled person who no longer dislikes herself for all those dumb reasons that ultimately, don’t really matter.
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, the final thought Snotting Black’s blog post inspired in me, was this.
“Dude, I don’t know about you but I am FUCKING HILARIOUS when I’m drunk!”
True story. I have references. Yeah.
(NOTE: I don’t drink very often or very much, so when I do up the intake and get a bit sozzled, it really is quite funny. Until the hangover of course. Then it sucks. DON’T DRINK!)