My next experiment: I’m going to become a runner.
This si something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but never did. Why? Because I am slooooow and desperately unfit. The running was supposed to counteract that, but I was always too embarrassed, too self conscious, to ever get started.
NOT ANY MORE!
I once wrote about how great it felt to not have to justify your actions or explain yourself. I have something to add to this now, and I plan to try and live this way from now on:
It’s stupid to worry about what other people think, because chances are, they’re not thinking anything.
It’s vanity, pure and simple, to assume people are always looking at you, judging your every move, your appearance, your expressions. And yet, I’m guilty of it. I imagine most people are. When actually, fact of the matter is, no one really takes that much notice.
I realised this today, sitting on a bus. I was awfully self conscious of two things: number one, my winter coat. Number two, the english magazine I was reading.
It was a warm day out, but being unused to the climate here, I was still needing to wear my coat. Seeing people walk past wearing tank tops and t-shirts, all I could think of was “I must look like a complete idiot.”
The magazine was worrying me because as soon as anyone saw it, they would know straight away I was a tourist. A stupid girl who can’t speak the local language.
I was worrying about both of these things, terrified that everyone was staring at me.
When a little voice in my head spoke up and said “Georgie, get the fuck over yourself”.
No one was looking. No one gave a crap. It was a wonderful moment for me. I suddenly felt invincible. Weird, but work with me.
So, with this new found sense of assertion, I have decided that come Monday afternoon, I am a runner.
I have a plan worked out. I’m starting slowly: a minute of running followed by three of walking, repeat eight times. The goal is to be able to run for half an hour straight by the end of May.
Like with the hair experiment, I’ll keep you updated on whether this succeeds or fails.
This is as much about asserting my confidence and ridding myself of vanity as it is fitness. Let’s hope it works.