STUVAC (study vacation) has been going on for exactly one and a half weeks today.
In that time I have done the following:
- Written three practice essays for english.
- Half an essay for drama
- Did half a practice paper for maths
- Did one Spanish exercise
- and that’s it.
With eleven days to go until my first exam, ladies and gentlemen, I am screwed.
As much as I can appreciate the importance of these exams in determining if I get to go to the uni of my choice and whether or not the past thirteen years have been a massive waste of time or not, I can;t quite bring myself to just sit down and study.
I wouldn’t call it lack of organization. No! I’m very organized. I actually made an epic spreadsheet with all my study times worked out and when I was going to do what and when was going to rest. It’s all very detailed and means I could cover every subject every day without worrying about getting overwhelmed.
Cause that’s the kind of nerd I am.
But despite this over-the-top preparation, the whole thing collapsed into a giant heap of shit within the first week.
First of all, it’s like my brain has decided to rebel against me. For some reason, school ended and so did the amount of AM hours i spend conscious.
I have four alarm clocks beside my bed that go off at 8 o’clock every morning. And every morning I sleep through all four of them. One of them doesn’t turn itself off for two hours and I still manage to sleep through it. It’s slightly worrying. Either way, I wake up sometimes around noon and feel like shit.
Due to this horrendous sleeping habit, it’s like i can’t get anything going right. I sit down to do work and find myself staring blankly at a page, waiting for my brain to wake up. Even worse then that, my study hours are being eaten up by other things. Not bad other things, good other things. So I can’t quite bring myself to feel guilty about them.
I’ve been helping my mum around the house, that’s a good thing.
I’ve been applying for jobs, that’s a good thing.
I’ve been playing lots of guitar, that’s probably not a good thing but it’s something i’ve been meaning to get back into for a while so I’m quite enjoying it.
As as much as I try to let it, the not studying thing just isn’t freaking me out nearly as much as it should.
It’s like I just don’t care anymore. I want to go to uni but I’m so sick of classrooms and books and studying things that i just don’t care about. I’m not even that worried about the exams. Even if I don’t do as well as I could, i reckon i’ll still do alright. School’s always been pretty easy. I know I bitch and moan about it all the time, but that’s more due to being a cynical douchebag then anything else. I’ve never found it to be overwhelmingly difficult. So approaching the exams isn’t nearly as daunting as it should be.
I think what’s making me feel bad about this is the fact that my friends are all working way more then I am. They’re canceling their facebook accounts, organizing group study sessions, studying all of the time, writing these amazing essays. And I just can’t bring myself to do the same.
I do feel bad about it, but at the same time I’m not entirely sure how to get that bit of motivation together and just plug on through the next four weeks until I’m free.
I really just want it to be over. 😦